enriched

 Enrich: improve or enhance the quality or value of.

2 Corinthians 9:11--  You will be enriched in every way for all generosity, which produces thanksgiving to God through us.

I'll admit. I struggled with a title for this one. I decided to go with enriched. I'll admit. This post is coming straight from my fingers. Not from my journal. I'll probably type...delete...type again...delete again. Because that's how my brain works. I want it to come straight from my fingers to this post, though. I've been writing the post a million times in my head since the end of April. It has had many different scenarios. Many different outcomes. Many different emotions. 

BUT...here we are. A little over 2 months from the day I started writing this post in my head. Let me take you back on a journey, not too far back, just to April 22nd...

It was a dreary Friday. It actually fit most of our moods. We were all feeling a bit sad that day. We were attending the funeral of a friend. A sweet friend we'd only known a few years but touched each of our lives like we'd known him forever. He knew Jesus, though, so we knew that he was celebrating in Heaven! He was finally in the presence of his Savior and praising away. His funeral was full of tears and celebration. Our family was full of the hope of heaven when we left knowing this was only a "see you later" not a forever goodbye. 

If you know me at all, any excuse to go out to eat or not cook is wonderful...so it will not surprise you that we went out to eat after the funeral. 

This is where the "enriched" story begins. Shaun was a little over a month out from his seizure, so that means I was driving the van. On the highway I set the cruise and it randomly turned off. I didn't think much of it and just didn't use the cruise for the few minutes I was still on the highway. When I pulled off the highway I heard sirens and looked in my mirror to pull over. Turns out it wasn't sirens at all. It was our van making the noise. The van still seemed to work as normal, and we were literally right by the restaurant, so there wasn't much driving time to "hear" anyways. 

The trip home...well, that was definitely a bit interesting. Shortly after leaving the restaurant the van started making a noise. Like a clunking noise. I tried not freaking out. I basically didn't want to be driving the van, but HAD to because Shaun couldn't drive. Shaun was amazing at trying to keep me calm. He had me pull over at one point and looked under the hood, but really didn't see anything. We needed to stop at his work and as we got near his work the engine light was flashing and I was only able to go like 40mph. He checked the oil at work, it looked fine/there was enough. I was able to make it home going about 40mph the entire way and trying to just not freak out. It felt like "one more thing" to add to our list of "things"...you know...those "things" life throws at you and you're like "UNCLE!" I give up?!

I went to bed praying it wasn't a huge deal and in the morning woke up praying the same thing. I also woke up with a song in my head. It was Sunday Sermon, by Anne Wilson. My head and heart screamed the lyrics: Devil gon' try and take me out of that church...But you can't take the church out of me

I knew that NO MATTER WHAT the van had in store for us God WOULD provide. Because He actually ALWAYS does. I was speaking that Sunday at a church, the title of my message was Rest. Renew. Rejoice--this felt like a straight on attack from the enemy asking if I was going to LIVE the message I was teaching. 

We tried to make it to a local dealer...but didn't make it more than a few miles down the road...and had to be towed. While we waited for the tow truck I realized we had purchased the "best warranty" we could have for the van and felt some relief in that. The man at the dealership also told me it was a "very good thing". 

The dealership gave us their "runner van" as a loaner and we made it work the next week for the missions rummage sale we volunteer for. The week of the rummage sale is a favorite week for all of us. This one was full of some big emotions, too, because our friend that just died always helped with it. It was a great week and Friday, the first sale day, was an amazing day. We went out for dinner, of course, that night. I was exhausted in all ways you can be exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. all the --lys of exhaustion you can be, I was. 

At dinner, Shaun started the conversation out like this..."So...Ford called today..." 

By his tone, I knew it wasn't going to be awesome. 

Awesome it was not. Turned out we needed an entirely new engine. Turned out our warranty didn't matter because the van was overdue for an oil change. Turned out that the warranty wouldn't cover anything because of "lack of maintenance". 

A new engine...$12000. That's a twelve with three zeros. They also told Shaun it would be 6 months. That is 6 MONTHS to wait for a new engine. 

Here's the deal. I didn't have twelve thousand dollars to buy one...I didn't have six months to wait. 

I'm almost glad he told me in public, it made it a lot harder to hide in a corner and cry really hard. 

I texted a few of 'my people' and asked them to pray and just needed them to know the deets. I needed to just "vent" a little to them, so I could move forward. 

When the entire van thing started a friend offered us the use of her van. She had an extra vehicle, the van, and was willing to let us use it. I asked about it at church that Sunday and she was still willing, even if was MONTHS of letting us use it. She was. (What a blessing!!)

We went into the next week feeling a bit crazy, I say we...it might have been just me, but really was probably we. Shaun stopped in by a friend who owns an auto repair place and showed him the pictures of the engine we were sent. That friend told Shaun to have it towed to him and he'd take a look at it to see what he could do. 

Long and short of it...the friend wasn't able to fix it. He determined we DID need a new engine. He was going to see what he could do about finding one for us.

In the meantime, a friend of mine that knew all the details asked to meet up because she had something for me. She had asked when I shared with her the details of the van, if she could share with her women's prayer group. I was completely fine with that! The more prayers the better, in my opinion. 

When she met up with me she explained that someone who I didn't know and they didn't really know me...just knew OF me...had been praying and wanted to give us this. And she handed me a pink envelope. Inside the envelope was some money. Money that made me stare in shock and awe. Money that someone had obediently shared with us because they felt led to. They wrote the verse reference 2 Cor 9:11 on the envelope and I looked it up. It brought me to a place of feeling enriched and I know they will be as well, for their obedient generosity.

At this point, we hadn't heard from the friend about the cost of the new engine. I'm not sure the time frame it was before we did. I knew when Shaun started a conversation with "So..." that he was about to tell me, though. 

Turns out, we would be able to get a new engine for TEN thousand dollars and a 6-8 week wait. Only two thousand dollars less overwhelming than the first amount we'd been given. And a lot of weeks less to wait. 

We chatted about trying to figure out when, where, how we'd come up with the money. It stressed us both out. You may have already guessed...we aren't the people with an emergency fund. We don't have "three months of expenses" saved anywhere. We haven't always been awesome at financial decisions, but praise God, we are getting better. 

Needing to come up with thousands of dollars felt like a punch in the gut, truthfully. We were finally being "wiser" with money and BOOM! large expense. 

I cried one morning after dropping Shaun off at work. I sat in the van when I got home and bawled, quite honestly. Like one of those screaming bawling moments. I texted my people and shared my defeatedness feeling. Defeatedness isn't a word, I know that, but it's the best non-word I can come up with to describe my feelings. 

Feelings are 100% real and valid. I believe God gives them to us...all of them. It's what we DO with them that can make us "wrong". I needed to get my feelings out and "barf" them on people to process through them. 

part of my text....

"I've been crying this morning and even though I KNOW what I KNOW...I cannot see a way that God will provide thousands of dollars to pay for a new stupid engine.

I hate it all. I'm so sick of telling the Lord I KNOW YOU WILL PROVIDE. He has each time. But I need him to just stop giving me these examples. It's really hard and I feel like I just can't anymore. I just don't want to deal with "stuff" that keeps happening. I trust the Lord.

......

Yet, I'm thankful to have him TO trust. And pray others can see it and know they can trust him too.

I feel like a mess."

WOW. Reading and typing that just now brought me right back to the van on that sunny morning. I see myself and want to give myself a big hug. I want to tell myself...you're right...God will provide. Even when you can't see the way. 

I sent that text on May 19th. 

Yesterday, on June 24th, I walked into the auto repair shop with a check for $10,000. 

God provided. Just like I knew He would...and even though I couldn't see how...God provided.

He didn't provide at all in a way I thought. 

Last week, Shaun came home and told me what our first cutting hay check was going to be. I looked at him and said "THOUSAND?" When he told me 12. He just replied "Yeah."

This week, when the check came and I opened it I stared in shock. Mainly because first cutting hay is NEVER that much. Like, NEVER EVER has it EVER been that much. 

Yesterday, when I went to the bank with the cash from our anonymous person and our hay check and got a cashier's check I couldn't stop geeking out inside. God was providing in a way I never would have thought of. God was providing in a way I would have said "that is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE!!" to if you had told me back in May. 

God provided in a way that meant us not going into debt (any further). God provided in a way that didn't put us any further behind or ahead. (I used the rest of the hay check to pay off some medical bills we still had.)

God provided in a way that He knew the entire time. It did require some trusting in the fact that He is exactly who He says He is...Jehovah-Jireh--the Lord will provide and trusting in the fact that His timing is PERFECT. He's never "too early" or "too late". 

So, come August, God willing...I'll be back in my mid-roof 15 passenger van jamming out to "the message" and "90's on 9" on my Sirius XM radio. 

because God is exactly who He says He is...and does exactly what He says He will do...always.

♡ap